Gomenasai
by superzedu
Summary: Shizuma muses over the pain she has caused to a certain girl. A Strawberry Panic songfic to Gomenasai.


Gomenasai, a Strawberry Panic songfic.

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_What I thought wasn't mine, in the light  
was a one of a kind, a precious pearl  
__When I wanted to cry, I couldn't 'cause I  
__wasn't allowed_

She was just like all the others at first. Nothing more than a replacement. A cheap replacement. Something to momentarily forget the pain. If I didn't had my, well, plaything, I'd collapse under the pressure and pain. People wanted me to continue on with my life, as if nothing happened the past few years. People said I needed to get over it. I had to be the superior and loved again, and they didn't cared if I had to push myself to the limit to do so. When I met her, my troubles could be forgotten once again, only if it was for a short peroid. But hell, I wished I didn't because she became more to me.

_Gomenasai, for everything  
__Gomenasai, I know I let you down  
__Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend  
__Like I do now_

She'd left a mark on me, like fingerprints on a crime scene. I couldn't get her off my mind, and I had no idea why. Normally, these girls would satisfy me for a few weeks before the loneliness and pain returned, but there was just something about her that I couldn't let go. But at that time, it was a relief, she was something to keep me busy. And even I had to admit, that she truly was an exception. She really was.

_What I thought wasn't all, so innocent  
__was a delicate doll, of porcelain  
__When I wanted to call you, and ask you for help  
__I stopped myself_

I found myself wanting to spend more time with her, and I knew that I shouldn't have done that, because it would only hurt her more. I couldn't just use her like that. But I still did it, and when I did so, I noticed that she was so much like **her**. She reminded me so very much of her, and that was the reason why I was so attracted to her. And because of that, she could ease my pain, stop my urge to cry, and foremost, to give me back my ability to truly love someone. But deep down, I knew that I would never love her. I loved the person which she was to me. Which she reminded me of.  
And I knew I was using her and hurting her, but I still did it.

_Gomenasai, for everything  
__Gomenasai, I know I let you down  
__Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend  
__Like I do now_

And the worst about it all was that she really loved back, or at least started to develop some feelings for me. I knew it was wrong, that I was using her and that I had to stop this selfishness, but I was in despair. I didn't wanted to be lonely anymore, and she made me feel like that. She brought back the colour in my life, like only one person had done before. But I knew I had to end this.  
It broke my heart. And so did hers.

_What I thought was a dream, a mirage  
__was as real as it seemed, a privilege  
__When I wanted to tell you, I made a mistake  
__I walked away_

I kept my space after that, wanting to be alone like I had always been. She was heart-broken, and so was I. After all those years, she had managed to melt the ice that was my heart. I kept thinking about it, knowing that I actually should forget her. But I couldn't, because she was special. No one had ever managed to conquer my heart before. One exception, and she was the second. I started hating myself for using her like that, but it did cleared up a lot of things that were on my mind.  
It really was time for me to move on. And I finally could.

_Gomenasai, for everything  
__Gomenasai, gomenasai  
__Gomenasai, I never needed a friend  
__Like I do now_

_Gomenasai, I let you down  
__Gomenasai, gomenasai  
G__omenasai till the end, I never needed a friend  
__Like I do now_

Nagisa...  
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_**A/n: **_I really am starting to think up fics with every song I listen... Yeah, um, you've probably, through reading, found out that this is about Shizuma, who is thinking about Nagisa. And she's so sorry for hurting her :'  
Fic is based on Gomenasai by t.A.T.u. I think I will edit it soon, 'cause I'm not totally happy with how it came out.

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Strawberry Panic  
Song: Gomenasai by t.A.T.u ©  
_**---


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